“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we might of win by fearing to attempt.” William Shakespeare
I recently had the opportunity to attend the 1st Annual Women In Business Leadership Transformation Retreat, hosted by Avril Riley, Founder of Chrysolite Consulting Inc. Speaker, Crystal D’Cunha, The Inside View’s, Chief Experience Officer, posed this question to the participants, “What is your greatest fear”? I knew immediately that my greatest fear is how my son will be after I’m no longer here. Crystal highlighted that the root of our fears lies in the belief that we are not enough. At first I didn’t get the association between my fear and the idea that I’m not enough. But as I reflected I realized that my fear is about not being able to protect my son, like I wasn’t able to protect my daughter. My fear is ultimately that I’m not a good enough mother. I then started to think of other times in my life when I haven’t felt ‘good’ enough. Whether it’s been I’m not pretty enough, or thin enough, or educated enough, or caring enough. How often do you feel like you are never good enough? How often do you doubt your ability to achieve something you desire?`How often do you beat yourself up because you are not enough?
Some call this a scarcity or poverty mindset. The scarcity mindset refers to having persistent thoughts of never being enough. Not enoughness incorporates feelings of inadequacy, fear of going without, and a lack of self-confidence. Not enoughness stems from and reinforces negative thought patterns. These negative thoughts are the result of what we believe about ourselves and what we have to offer. Having this mindset ensures that we will never believe we are good enough, despite what we possess or achieve.
Most of us experience “not enough” thinking at some point. Sometimes it’s brief and fleeting. Other times “not enough” thinking can lead to worry, anxiety, self-loathing and decreased confidence.
The reality of “not enough” beliefs, is that they are not reality, but are actually distorted and inaccurate perceptions of ourselves. Often these beliefs are based on what we’ve been told by others. The truth though, is that we have been deceived. The reality is we are enough, as we are. Nothing can change that.
We can overcome the belief that we are not enough, by developing what’s often referred to as an abundance mindset. An abundance mindset is based on the belief that we are enough, as we are, right now. An abundance mindset gives us the opportunity to grow beyond where we are at, because we are no longer held back by limiting beliefs. It sets us up to achieve those things we desire, whether love or success or beauty. Try these helpful strategies:
1. Notice your small victories. What can you celebrate today? Express gratitude for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing ourselves to others reinforces the distorted, unhelpful beliefs, we hold. Each of us is uniquely extraordinary. You are the only one who can be all of you, and enough of you, and you already are.
3. Love yourself unconditionally. Chose to let yourself be enough, right now. Don’t beat yourself up for your mistakes or failings. We all make them. We all have them. Start to view them as opportunities to learn and grow. Remember the 3 (some of us were taught 5) second rule when it comes to picking up food that has fallen on the floor? Conference keynote speaker, Dr. Janet Lapp, suggests we adopt a similar strategy to those moments when we start to beat ourselves us. 3-5 seconds then let it go. Remember you are enough as you are. Begin to think about how you can start to experiencing feelings associated with abundance like success, happiness and love, without needing anything from the outside to change. Consider ways that you might reframe or shift the way you think, what you focus on, your lifestyle and your actions, so that you can experience these things.
Being grateful for your life as it is, does not mean giving up on your dreams and desires. You will notice that the more you love and appreciate who you are and what you have, the more you will attract. You are already good enough, nothing can change that. As you are, just being, you are enough.
“If I say I’m beautiful, if I say I’m strong, you will not determine my story, I will.” Amy Schumer